Comments for The Home of Ben May, Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia.

Comment on An Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder by msthurnell

msthurnell — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 09:46:28 +0000

I have a parent with OCPD. It is very hard to communicate with this person and one reason I discovered is that everything done is from the point of view of how they would like things done. For instance if the person wants to do the smallest task in another persons, home they simply must ask permission. This in itself is very irritating since they cannot work out what is important to ask about and what is not. Their explanation is that that is what they would like others to do in their house. The idea that two strangers let alone two family members might be able to interact in the house of each othe without a zillion rules and a hundred games of twenty questions every day is beyond their comprehension. It’s like they have their outward looking social antenna turned of and just cannot pick up how to get in syc and work in synergy with someone in say, a kitchen enviroment cooking a meal together.
If something goes slightly wrong there is no llaughing it off, someone has to be to blame. They redouble the permission asking game until it becomes painful and they are just about asking if they can cross and uncross their legs. It’s like asking absolves them of all blame, and since they just cannot cope with being the cause of even the slightest slip up the asking continues. If they ask but your way of doing things is different tho their preferred way they pout and do it ungraciously. People like this put social harmony on the lowest level of importance in the scheme of things whilst outwardly maintaining that this is their goal. They are trying to achieve social harmony in a way which is doomed to fail.

Comment on An Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder by usareader

usareader — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:38:11 +0000

Nicky, many of the issues and behaviors you describe sound just like my exbf (undiagnosed but has every one of the ocpd traits) also, and it very, very badly affected my self esteem, just as you say. Only when he broke up with me (very suddenly, claiming he no longer loved me) did he cite things like that i eat french fries and i once ate three desserts (i am not at all overweight, but he is a health food fanatic and has a million food-related rules).
I would suggest you read the threads on this website, they help me a lot. http://ocpd.freeforums.org/ Best of luck.

Comment on An Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder by Nicky

Nicky — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 12:01:18 +0000

Hi Everyone,
I have just spent the past hour or so reading over this blog, and I can’t tell you how good it feels to know that there are other people in my situation.
I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 12 months who has OCPD. He has not been medically diagnosed, but after weeks of doing research on personality disorders there is no doubt in my mind that he has OCPD.
What made me think he has OCPD? The first sign was his house. It is so cluttered and messy, and he collects useless things like old newspapers and elastic bands. He deems them ‘useful’, but never ever uses them. He just stores things, filing them away or putting them into piles.
The next thing that became apparent was his obsession with work. He was always late to dinners or the movies or any social function because of work. Sometimes, out of frustration, I would ask him “couldn’t it have waited until tomorrow?” and he would just cough and splutter. His inability to leave work would often result in me being left alone in a restaurant, or cooking dinner only to have it spoiled. I would end up in tears, and he would treat me like I was irrational or ask if I had PMT. My menstrual cycle had nothing to do with how I felt, and any woman would have reacted the same way. For some reason though, I always told myself that it was me – that I needed to be more ‘flexible’ and ‘understanding’. Now that I have done my own research, I know that people with OCPD are perhaps the most inflexible people in society. Still, those of us in relationships with them continue to blame ourselves and promise to be more easy going and forgiving.
Another trait that I noticed early on was his inability to make decisions. He has been thinking about buying a house for over five years. He goes to auctions, talks to realtors, but can never, ever make a decision. He has also thought about buying a new car, but has spent the past year unable to decide which one. More recently, his washing machine broke down. I went with him to buy a new one, and after visiting four different stores and looking and hundreds of models he was unable to make a decision on the day. He needed to go away and think about it. A week later he still hadn’t made a decision, and it was only because of his need for clean clothes that he ended up buying one. Even after he bought it he spent weeks wondering if it was actually the ‘right’ one for him. I kept saying “it’s just a washing machine, so long as it does what it is supposed to do who cares”, but he didn’t share my view.
Selfishness also seems to be a part of OCPD. He often walks in to my apartment and changes the channel on my TV without asking me if I was happy watching whatever was on, but if I touched the remote at his place then God help me. During summer he’d comment if he thought my apartment was too warm, and open a window without asking me if I was ok with it too. I could go on and on about selfishness….
Finally, the last thing I want to mention, and perhaps the most important to me, is how critical he has become of me. When we were first seeing each other, he would criticize me in a way that was sarcastic or funny, but after a couple of months that wore off. He would comment if I spent too long in the shower, but also comment if he thought I had been too quick in the shower. Once I had to drive his car, and he criticized my driving all the way home, even though I’d never driven his car before and it had been years since I’d driven a manual. Lately he has been criticizing the clothes I wear, and even the food I order when we eat out.
Despite all of the OCPD traits that I have mentioned, I love this man, and it devastates me to imagine my life without him. There are moments of total bliss, when everything feels ‘normal’ and I’m incredibly happy. But there are fewer and fewer of these times, and my own self esteem is now at rock bottom because of the constant criticism and lack of emotional connection. All I ever wanted in a partner was someone who was kind and caring, and this is becoming harder for him as he gets older. However, this week I decided that I love him enough to speak to a professional and seek their advice. I am so confused about whether to give up on this relationship and put myself first and move on, or stay with him and work through these issues, and I hope that speaking to a psychologist will give me some guidance.

Comment on Sexy Coffee by Ben May

Ben May — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:31:39 +0000

For those who are looking for the cafe “Sexie Coffee” – their website is here; http://www.sexiecoffie.com.au

Comment on Sexy Coffee by deb currie

deb currie — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 22:06:01 +0000

my partner loves your coffee,,is there any way l can purchase your coffee beans.we have tried every coffee,but none compares to yours. valintines day is around the corner and l can’t think of a better present than getting him what he loves.